Amber Smith, wife of former country music artist, Granger Smith joins Stephanie Daniels to share about her book, The Girl on the Bathroom Floor: Held Together when Everything is Falling Apart. Amber shares her deeply personal experience of losing her three-year-old son, River, and God’s faithfulness to her in the pit of despair. Her story will encourage you to hold onto the hope that God is near, even when it feels quiet, and that the bathroom floor is not the end—it’s just the beginning.
Amber Smith, wife of former country music artist, Granger Smith joins Stephanie Daniels to share about her book, The Girl on the Bathroom Floor: Held Together when Everything is Falling Apart. Amber shares her deeply personal experience of losing her three-year-old son, River, and God’s faithfulness to her in the pit of despair. Her story will encourage you to hold onto the hope that God is near, even when it feels quiet, and that the bathroom floor is not the end—it’s just the beginning.
Get your copy of Amber’s book: The Girl on the Bathroom Floor: Held Together when Everything is Falling Apart
Find out more about Amber and connect with her at: arisewithamber.com
KEY QUESTIONS:
KEY SCRIPTURES:
Stephanie Daniels:
Hi friends! I’m your host, Stephanie Daniels, and you’re listening to the Joni and Friends Ministry Podcast. We’re sharing hope as we answer real questions about disability. Join us every week for an honest and encouraging conversation, along with practical ways to include people with disability in your church and community. So, grab a seat, and let’s jump in!
I think we've all had moments of wondering, "God, where were you?" Or, "God, where are you?" When the pain feels too big and the future just too uncertain, and it's in those moments that God often reveals Himself in unexpected ways.
Today, I'm honored to welcome Amber Smith, author of the newly released book, The Girl on the Bathroom Floor. In her deeply personal debut, Amber invites readers into the most private corners of her life, shedding light on the raw moments of grief she endured following the tragic death of her three-year-old son River. She and her country music star husband, Granger Smith, faced every parent's worst nightmare. But, through their grief, Amber has found hope, not because her pain disappeared, but because she discovered how to trust God's presence in the darkest valleys.
If you're carrying a heavy heart today, I believe Amber's story will gently remind you that you are not alone and that God is near. Welcome to the podcast, Amber.
Amber Smith:
Thank you so much. Thank you for having me.
Stephanie Daniels:
I'm so thrilled. I followed you on social media not really knowing your story, and I just love how God orchestrates things and kind of got to know you and then read your book, and now you're here. I'm excited for people to find out more about you and the beautiful transformation that's taken place in you. So, I would love to start by hearing a bit about your family and what life was like before your unexpected tragedy.
Amber Smith:
Sure. My husband Granger and I have been married for going on 15 years now. He was a singing, songwriting, touring musician. When I met him, he had just started going on tour playing country music for empty bars and empty clubs.
We started our family pretty early on. About a year after we got married, we had, London, she's now 13. We have Lincoln, he's now 11. River is forever three. And then we were blessed with Maverick, who wasn't in our earthly plan, but he's four.
We were living a very quote, happy life. Granger's music was soaring. He had at this point had a number one single, he was selling out arenas. We had a really great marriage. Our kids were healthy, they were happy. We had so much fun together. We made lots of messes, and played, and explored. And, I had just really started seeking the Lord about a year before we lost River. So, I was going to Bible studies and I was really feeling like I was on the right track, and gonna set a foundation for my kids. And then the night of June 4th happened and everything fell apart.
Stephanie Daniels:
Wow. I can only imagine. That was one of the things in your story, reading the events of the evening, how quickly things can change when you're going about a normal routine and then a life altering situation takes place. I really enjoyed reading your story and learning about your faith journey in the midst of your grief. I think that's the thing that has stood out to me the most. I think you're a very deep well, and it feels like it's just the beginning. But, you share that you weren't following Christ at the time that River drowned. So how did God meet you in your deep loss and pain?
Amber Smith:
Yeah, like I said I had just started seeking, so I know He must have been drawing me, 'cause no one can come to the Lord unless the Lord draws you. I had little bits and pieces of Scripture, but I was 37 years old and I had never read the Bible before. So, I was just reading devotions and getting little good pieces of info and I was feeling good. I can look back now with fresh eyes and see that God was in His kindness preparing me.
Stephanie Daniels:
Hmm.
Amber Smith:
Like He was putting people in my life who were about to walk me through the worst suffering I've ever been to. He was giving me bits and pieces of His Word, "The Lord is close to the broken hearted." And so, whenever my heart broke, I ran to him. You know, I had that little bit of foundation and I ran to Him instead of running away. And I just begged Him on my bathroom floor to show me who He was and show me that there was purpose in this. And show me that I would have joy again, and give me the strength to still be a good mom for my other kids, and to be a good wife, and to walk with me because I couldn't do it.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
I, I could not do it without him. And He met me there.
Stephanie Daniels:
I love that. Can you explain a little bit about what the bathroom floor might be for people? Because as I was reading that, I've had my bathroom floor moments, and I just felt like you were the friend coming in grabbing my face. You know what I mean? So, can you kind of explain to our listeners what the bathroom floor is?
Amber Smith:
Oh my gosh. I love that you said that, 'cause that was my goal, is to just be that friend there with you on the floor. And I think it's different for so many of us, but for some reason that seems to be the place that we go is the bathroom.
You know, I was there with my daughter in sixth grade, and she was having trouble with girlfriends at school. I was there when I had a miscarriage. I was there praying and crying out to the Lord for my brother who was struggling with addiction. I was there when moments of motherhood got too hard and I was crying because I was tired. I was there this morning actually because a family member is really struggling with alcoholism and I'm, I'm afraid that he's gonna lose his life to this. So, it could be job loss, it could be divorce, it could be anything that brings you to your knees. It's just where we go. It's the lowest moments of our, of our story.
Stephanie Daniels:
Mm-hmm. It's like that isolated place where it's just you crying out. Ugh.
Amber Smith:
Yeah.
Stephanie Daniels:
I love that. And something that I've heard several of our guests say about when you're in the middle of the mess, God is with you. And that's something you point out in your book, that God's always there in that place. In the bathroom, on the floor with you. He's that friend that so beautifully sticks closer than a brother to us. He's not afraid of our mess.
So, I wanna know where you are today. I mean, it's kind of evident when you speak, the Word just comes out of you, which I just adore. How has your relationship with God changed and strengthened even through your grief?
Amber Smith:
My goodness. You had said earlier that you thought I was a deep well, and I just look at the Lord, and I look at the Bible, and I think, I will never know all that there is to learn. Like years and years and decades, and until the Lord calls me home, I'll still never know enough.
I just crave Him so intimately, and I love to study His Word. And I think back to... like, I'm in a, I'm in a good place now. I'm in a good season. I'm in a joyful season. I'm in a season of rest, which I'm so thankful for because I know suffering could be right around the corner. Lord willing, I have a lot of life left to live, and suffering comes in an instant.
Stephanie Daniels:
Mm-hmm.
Amber Smith:
And so, I almost miss those moments on the bathroom floor. I miss that intimacy with God. Not that I don't have it now, but there's something about the raw grittiness of deep pain where the Lord truly does meet you there. I don't require that right now, and I miss that. So, I constantly am still seeking Him in His Word, but I, I really miss those moments where I needed Him for every breath, because I couldn't do it. And so, I don't want more pain, but I'm thankful for those moments 'cause that intimacy was so rich and so deep.
So now I joyfully go and serve at my church and sit under faithful preaching and teaching, and study the Word every day, listen to sermons and podcasts, and I just feel like I can't get enough.
Stephanie Daniels:
You're like a sponge.
Amber Smith:
And I just want the fire hydrant to keep…
Stephanie Daniels:
Mm-hmm.
Amber Smith:
…shooting me in the face and I wanna be like the sponge.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah. I just so admire that in you. I grew up in church myself, and sometimes you can feel like you're floating along, but then you encounter people like yourself and Joni who have just been so broken. And they have this intimacy with the Lord that you're like, “Ooh,” it's enviable almost. You're like, I want that. But you've gotta count the cost, you know?
Amber Smith:
Yeah.
Stephanie Daniels:
There's a cost with intimacy with God like that. Do you have encouragement for someone maybe taking the first steps toward inviting God into the darkest corners of their heartbreak?
Amber Smith:
Yeah, if I could tell you anything, it would be to run to Him. Do not run away, run to Him, I promise you, He will meet you there. And I think so many people struggle in suffering because they don't know the God of Scripture. We know this God who just wants you happy and healthy and wealthy. And that's not the God of the Bible. The God of the Bible calls us to die to ourselves. The God of the Bible gave His only Son for you on the cross. That's the God of Scripture. And so, it would be study your Word and...
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
And I know it can seem scary if you've never opened it. Ask a friend, ask a pastor to walk with you, but just keep coming back every day...
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
…praying for the Lord to open your eyes and highlighting all of the places where His sovereignty, which is just His all-powerful rule and reign, where His sovereignty shows.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
That just helped me. I highlighted every verse where God said, “I do all things. I did this,” you know?
Stephanie Daniels:
Mm-hmm.
Amber Smith:
“I am with you. I will never forsake you. I am the Lord. I do all these things.” And that brought me so much freedom.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
To know that I don't have as much control as I thought I did.
Stephanie Daniels:
Right.
Amber Smith:
All of our days are numbered, and God doesn't delight in evil and suffering, but He sometimes will allow things to bring you to Himself.
Stephanie Daniels:
Absolutely. Absolutely.
Amber Smith:
And to conform you into the image of Christ. And that's a hard pill to swallow.
Stephanie Daniels:
Mm-hmm.
Amber Smith:
To have a prayer like, "God, I wanna know you. Use me." Because He will.
Stephanie Daniels:
He will.
Amber Smith:
And it might not be what you want, it might be through deep suffering, but...
Stephanie Daniels:
Right.
Amber Smith:
…once you get to know Him, there is so much freedom and peace in knowing who He is...
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
…and knowing that He has a plan.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah. It's so true. You look at stories in the Word like you're saying, and you do, you see suffering throughout in every story. In the story of Job, you see it with Joseph being sold by his own family, his brothers, into slavery and all the hard he had to walk through. But then God establishes him as a ruler and then restores his family. You see it with Abraham. You see it so much with Mary having to just kind of wear this scarlet letter, but she's carrying Jesus. All of these people have walked through hard roads and suffering, but it's the refining that happens in those moments. You can't buy it.
Amber Smith:
No.
Stephanie Daniels:
Like you said, the intimacy and closeness with God that you get out of that, it's just so rich.
Amber Smith:
The refining and the pruning hurts, but it's in that where you can then bear fruit.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yes.
Amber Smith:
You know, without that we can't.
Stephanie Daniels:
Mm. It is such a hard pill to swallow because you want that, we want that. We wanna be good, shining representations of Christ here in the earth. But like you said, He's asking us to pick up our cross and carry it and die to ourselves and. It can be a lot. It can be a lot. Okay, well I'll keep moving on 'cause I feel like I could talk about that all day.
In your book you talk about the challenges that many couples face in their relationship after losing a child. I love how vulnerable you are talking about your relationship with Granger. And one of the things I thought was, it was a pivotal moment. It had to have been a pivotal moment. You guys are walking through, the accident just happened and you're at the hospital, and you know, you and Granger took a moment to affirm some things with one another. Can you share about that and how you started walking through this whole challenge as a couple?
Amber Smith:
I don't know how we were able to do that honestly in those moments, other than the grace of God. But we walked outside after we had just seen our son for the last time. He was wheeled back into surgery for organ donation, and we walked outside almost like, "What are we gonna do? How are we gonna do this?" And we just looked in each other's eyes, and we said, "We're not gonna allow anything to tear our family apart, and we will do whatever it takes to love each other and to support each other and choose each other and be there for our family. And we don't know what it's gonna look like, and it's gonna be really hard, but we're gonna do this and we're not gonna become a statistic."
And that takes dying to yourself every day to really wrestle through grief. And you're both grieving at different rates, at different times. One of you might be okay, the other one's not. And you have to have grace for each other and, you know, he's grieving over the loss of his son, but also the loss of the woman that I used to be.
Stephanie Daniels:
Mm-hmm.
Amber Smith:
We're grieving over the life we thought we would have. It was really difficult. But you know, I keep saying, when we said I do... this is another story, but I went through a lot of divorce in my life, and I said, when I got married, that was it.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
And when we said I do, we said, for better or for worse, and this was the worst. And so, we just committed that we were gonna choose each other even when it was hard, and not allow our feelings to get in the way and not allow this grief to rip us apart. And that's what we've done. And by the grace of God, it has made us so much stronger. Stronger than we ever would've been without this pain. And I'm so thankful.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah. I don't even know what it's like to walk the road that you've walked, but just even in reading your story and hearing about the different counseling things that you guys did and the lengths you went to just set yourselves up to get through this. I think that's so important for couples and, do you have anything to say about that? You know, because What we do at Joni and Friends is provide hope and encourage families living with disability and they're walking through hardship. Could you maybe speak a little bit to encourage the couples that could be listening to this that are maybe in a place where you and Granger were?
Amber Smith:
I have some friends who care for brain injured children day in and day out. It's exhausting in itself and painful because your child is hurting, but then it also is so taxing on your marriage. And I think it's really hard because you're so tired, and you're so angry, and you're so sad, to focus on trying to have intimacy with your spouse. But I just remember saying, you're my husband, first and foremost. We have to build this relationship, this foundation, and then everything else will pour into that. And sometimes you have to do things, you just have to take action and then the feelings will follow. So, I would say just keep fighting for that intimacy. And that doesn't always mean in the bedroom, that could just be communication and in friendship.
Stephanie Daniels:
Right. Right.
Amber Smith:
Fight for that.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
And, and, and stand strong together even when you don't feel like it. 'Cause we don't feel like it a lot of times. But I promise you if you do that, that will bring love, and friendship, and communication, and teamwork back to your marriage.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
Because you guys have to be strong or everything else is gonna fall apart.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
And it's hard, it's not easy. It's hard. I weep over my friends who have to do that every single day. But it's possible to do.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
And it's possible not to just survive, but you can thrive again.
Stephanie Daniels:
Mm. That's so good, yeah. Sometimes it's just taking that first step to even say good morning.
Amber Smith:
Yeah.
Stephanie Daniels:
Or you know, kiss your spouse in the morning when you're like, I don't wanna do it. But it's those things that help you just break down the wall and allow restoration and healing to come. That's really good advice. Thank you for sharing that.
You talked a lot about this too in your book, but shame and guilt are cruel tools of the enemy. So, I would love for you to tell us about maybe the parenting guilt that you faced in the months after River's passing. How were you guys able to break free from that?
Amber Smith:
God gifts you with children and it's like your one job is to take care of them and to keep them healthy and safe. And when something happens like this, you just feel like a failure. You feel like you failed. And the one job, people always joke, "Just keep 'em alive till they're 18." And we didn't do that. And so that shame and guilt will just eat at you. And I think what helped me is, like I said, is knowing your Word. Because when the enemy tells you, “You failed as a mom, you let your child die. This is all your fault." God's word says, "I knit you together in your mother's womb. I knew all your days before there were none of them."
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
So that gave me hope that River's 'day' was always numbered. I hate the way that he passed, but God has our days, and I have my day, and you have yours.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
I don't know how it's gonna end.
Stephanie Daniels:
Right.
Amber Smith:
So just replacing those lies with the truth. If the world tells you something or the enemy tells you something, you combat it with something that God says...
Stephanie Daniels:
Amen. Yes.
Amber Smith:
That's true.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
And flip that.
Stephanie Daniels:
Mm-hmm. So, so good. Another thing you wrote, you said, "I had made River an idol in my life." Meaning that you realized that you were holding your son higher than God. How did you reconcile that?
Amber Smith:
Man, that was one of the most pivotal moments in my walk. I was so broken on my floor in the bathroom, and I felt the Holy Spirit, lovingly but firmly, you know, like a father, like, "Enough. Enough. Seek me. You're putting your son above me. You're seeking the gift that I gave you instead of me." I mean, I remember in that moment I just got up immediately and wiped my eyes and wiped off the tears. And I just was like, "Okay, let's go." God called me to arise.
Stephanie Daniels:
Mm-hmm.
Amber Smith:
And to focus on him. And yes, River was an amazing gift, but God gave him to me.
Stephanie Daniels:
Mm-hmm.
Amber Smith:
And I wasn't seeking Him. I was sitting in my sorrow rather than seeking my Savior.
Stephanie Daniels:
"Sitting in your sorrow rather than seeking your Savior."
Amber Smith:
I've never said that before. That must have been by the Holy Spirit.
Stephanie Daniels:
Jot it down and talk about it.
Amber Smith:
I'm gonna write it down.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah. That's like a, that's a whole other podcast. Hmm. That's really good. I think I'm struck by that because I've done that. We've all done that. I love how, like you said, He can lovingly call you out.
Amber Smith:
Yeah. It's like we do that to our own children. I mean, I did it the other night to Maverick. He was throwing a massive fit and I had lovingly held him and, and all that. And I was finally like, enough buddy.
Stephanie Daniels:
Mm-hmm.
Amber Smith:
Enough. You know?
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
And we do that. And how much more does God love us than we love our own kids?
Stephanie Daniels:
Right. I love how you said earlier you crave intimacy with the Holy Spirit, so, how has the loss of River maybe altered your calling or brought more focus to your life?
Amber Smith:
I think in one sense, it's really opened my eyes that suffering is all around us.
Stephanie Daniels:
Mm-hmm.
Amber Smith:
And I think maybe because I was living in my quote, "happy, joyful life." I mean, I had been through some sorrow, but nothing like that. And it just really opened up my eyes to what is truly important in this life.
Stephanie Daniels:
Mm-hmm.
Amber Smith:
And, and I was doing nothing for the Kingdom of God. I would've told you, I knew who Jesus was, but I wasn't following him. I hadn't died to myself. I was very much living of the world. It's really opened my eyes to have a heart for those who are suffering and in walking through sorrow, to try to offer them hope and tell them that there is light and this is not the end of your story. It's transformed my husband's whole career. I mean, he gave up country music, put it away. He did a final tour. He's now a pastor. He's in seminary. I mean the Lord has just done a miraculous, mighty…
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
…180 in our family.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
And I could not be more joyful. Like I had a happy life then, but I have joy from the inside out now and it's incredible and I'm so, so thankful. I'm thankful for that pain because it's what brought us to him. And now we're doing things eternally.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yes.
Amber Smith:
I think it's CT Studd that says, "Only one life will soon be passed. Only what's done for Christ will last."
Stephanie Daniels:
Mm-hmm.
Amber Smith:
And that's just opened up our eyes that, “What are we doing? What are we doing? We only have today and what's done for the Lord is what's gonna last.”
Stephanie Daniels:
Oh, my goodness. It's just so humbling. I'm gonna cry. Just to think that River was a seed for all of that.
Amber Smith:
I know. I know. There's the Scripture that says, one must die in order for there to be fruit. And so not only River died, but I died. The girl that I was died, in order that I could bear much fruit.
And it's not me, it's the Lord. It's the, it's God doing it. It's nothing that I've done. But I have just seen the little seeds that have been planted. And River was a catalyst in God's big plan for that spreading of the seed. And I just, I'm so thankful for his life.
Stephanie Daniels:
Ugh man. Amber, your story, it's just, it's really impacted me. It's a special one just because the transformation in your whole family. Only God could do that.
Amber Smith:
Yeah.
Stephanie Daniels:
I was gonna say, was there a turning point where hope began to rise for you again? And how has that changed your life direction or the focus of your family? But I mean, it's done it in a huge way. You guys are pastoring and in ministry. Only God can do that. What was the turning point for you guys though, where hope started to rise again after such a devastating loss?
Amber Smith:
I'll tell you where it began. I mean, there was many turning points, but where it began was even as early as in the hospital. When they had found recipients for River's organs, we knew that there was gonna be joy from this, that people were gonna live because River lived.
So even that small little hope of him giving two organs to two people. That was the beginning, like this wasn't for nothing. And I've met the recipient of River's kidney and she's amazing. And she's, she's no longer in the pain that she was in. And I just, it's like, okay, God, I can see what you're doing. I can see what you're doing. It's not for nothing. God doesn't waste anything.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
God doesn't waste anything. And so just along the road there's been many, many turning points of hope.
Stephanie Daniels:
Well, and I think it's probably like from glory to glory, like you started at a place and just the little things about donating his organs, or being able, like you said, to donate money from the foundation to purchase a water well for a community and you guys have just been taking this, and you're sowing seeds. And I can only imagine the enemy is so ticked, because what he thought was gonna break you and take you out and just wipe you guys off the map it is like, "No, we're gonna love like Jesus. And continue to encourage people.”
Amber, how did you muster the strength to be present with your children, London and Lincoln during your darkest days after River's passing, and how have you helped them cope with the loss of their brother?
Amber Smith:
That was probably one of the hardest things I've had to do was to try to be a good mom when I was hurting so bad. I didn't want to do dishes, I didn't wanna do laundry. I didn't wanna do all the stuff that seemed like it didn't matter. But they were so little, and they deserved a mom who wasn't in her bed all day crying all day. They needed to be taken care of. So, I gave myself space. I would get up before them in the mornings, then I would go and cry and pour my heart out, and then I would wipe my eyes and go wake them up for school. I would drop them off for school joyful, and I would cry in my car.
I never hid my sorrow from them. They saw me cry. They just didn't see me break down like sometimes I did. But they saw me cry and we had really good conversations about the Lord and what he's doing and that this world is broken, and it's not supposed to be this way. And I'm sorry that your brother passed away, but we can get through anything with the Lord. So just having really good conversations so they weren't afraid of death, so they weren't scared of swimming. So, they they knew that we were gonna make it.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
They didn't have to worry if mommy and daddy were gonna get a divorce. You know, they knew that we were a team, we were gonna work through this, and whatever they felt was okay too.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
If they were sad one day, we would talk about it. If they were happy, it's okay that God gives us joy. I'm so thankful at where they're at right now. They love the Lord. We talk about their brother still all the time and he's still very much a part of our lives. And God has just been so kind in how He has healed their little hearts.
Stephanie Daniels:
Mm. I think it is so special. I love the dream that your son had.
Amber Smith:
Girl, I can't even, I was in such shock. I had to pull out my phone and tell him to repeat it to daddy ' cause things like that just, I was just like, what?
Stephanie Daniels:
What?
Amber Smith:
Yeah.
Stephanie Daniels:
I think that's like such a faith builder. He just comes and he is like, I had a dream about River, and this is what he said. And you're like, whoa.
Amber Smith:
Yeah. So shortly after River passed, Granger had this tug on his heart to have another baby. And so, we wrestled with that. We prayed through that. At first, I didn't think I could ever have another baby, but I just felt like, okay, it's not only me in this marriage, and if my husband is feeling something, we should really pray about it. And...
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
…and we did. And so, we started going through the process of trying to have another child and we didn't tell the kids. And one morning Lincoln came in and said, "Mommy, I had a dream about River." And he told me a bunch of stuff, but in the end he said, "and River said we're gonna have a baby brother. It's gonna be a baby brother." And I was just like, what? So, it was really something that I just tucked away and held onto.
Stephanie Daniels:
Wow. Wow, wow. And I love also that he loved dinosaurs, so he was playing with a dinosaur in his dream, and he was just like talking about how fun heaven was?
Amber Smith:
Yes. He said God was fun.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
Like how sweet is that?
Stephanie Daniels:
How precious is that? I just, oh my gosh, that makes me think of a sweet dream a friend of mine had. And the Lord was working her through just some trauma she had experienced, and the Lord would visit her on the playground. It was just so sweet because he was like asking her like, "Hey, will you show up tomorrow? Will you be here tomorrow to play with me?" And the Lord was just showing her that He is playful and fun, and He wants to be with you. I love the revelation that the Lord gives us and it's just showing His sweet and tender mercy and kindness.
Amber Smith:
What a sweet question from the Lord. "Will you show up tomorrow?"
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
Like, "Will you just show up and be with me? Will you show...
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
...up and open up my Word? Will you just show up? I'll meet you there." You know?
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah. He's just so faithful. He's so good.
Amber Smith:
He's so good.
Stephanie Daniels:
He's so good. And I am, you know, like we've been talking about, suffering can be so difficult, but he's so faithful through our suffering. And so kind.
Amber Smith:
Yeah.
Stephanie Daniels:
And He doesn't want us to stay in our sorrow. He doesn't want us to sit in our isolation and be sad and hurting. He doesn't want us to stay there.
Amber Smith:
That's what the enemy wants. The enemy ...
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
…wants you there. The enemy wants you to question, "If God loved you, He wouldn't let this happen."
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
The enemy wants you there and alone because then you can't grow. Then you can't learn to trust the Lord. Then you can't have faithful friends that say, “No, we're gonna do this together.”
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
So that was something I mentioned in the book as well, is don't sit in your isolation. It's okay to be there for a bit. We all have those moments. We have to be alone, but don't stay there.
Stephanie Daniels:
Don't stay. What did that look like for you to just dig in? To find God? I know you'd been in some Bible studies, but what did that look like for you to just run hard after him?
Amber Smith:
I think it, it took, kind of a discipline at first of I'm seeking you, Lord. I'm gonna show up every day, like you said. Will you show up? I just started reading. And I kept showing up and I kept reading and I made myself go to church. And I, I wept through worship, and I went to Bible studies even when I didn't want to. I joined a grief share class even when I didn't want to. And slowly but surely God began to open up my eyes, like you said, to His faithfulness and His goodness. And then I just, I couldn't get enough.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah. I love that. You also write in your book, and I'm hoping that people, if they find themselves in a place of just needing encouragement, or if they're just dry and they need to be watered spiritually, that they'll run and grab a copy of your book 'cause it's such an encouragement.
You write that grief and joy, not happiness, but a deep inner peace can coexist. How did you learn, and probably still learning, to trust God's plan when life doesn't look like what you imagined?
Amber Smith:
I think I learned to trust it because I lived it, and I walked through it, and I saw how faithful the Lord was to bring me through seasons of suffering. And just that, you know, I was still grieving River, but I was having very joyful moments with my other two kids. I was grieving and having joy. And then when we had our son, Maverick, I was still so deeply broken over River, but I was so thankful for the blessing of Mav. And it's just this beautiful tension. And I forget what verse it's in, but the Scripture says “sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.”
So, I think in this fallen world we will have sorrow, yet we are always rejoicing in what God has done and what He is coming back to do. So, there's this tension here, but you can have both and it's okay to have both.
Stephanie Daniels:
I don't think I really understood that until we lost my father-in-law a year and a half ago. And, walking through Alzheimer's with my mom. I'm just so thankful for the Lord and just the peace that He gives.
Amber Smith:
Yeah.
Stephanie Daniels:
Even when everything feels like it's swirling around you, He's just so good to bring joy in the midst of that.
I'm encouraging our listeners to read your book 'cause it was a blessing to me. Like I told you, just seeing what the Lord has done in you and in Granger and where He is brought you, is just so beautiful. What would be your greatest hope or takeaway for each reader?
Amber Smith:
My greatest encouragement would be to run to the Lord and seek to know who He is. But I would also tell you that wherever you are in your story, it's not the end. It's not over.
You know, I say in the book, when everything feels like it's falling apart, it might actually be falling into place. And to trust God in whatever season He has you in. And we may not always find redemption this side of heaven. Sometimes people will suffer an ache until the Lord calls them home.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
But this life is a vapor, and we have eternity with the Lord. And He will make it all right. And there will be no more tears, and no more sin, and no more sorrow, and no more sickness, because He will wipe it all away. So, we just have to hold on a little longer. We just have to press on, keep running the race and just keep the faith.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah, man. I think that's just an encouraging nugget in and of itself for some of our listeners. We hear from so many people around the world. They write in, they respond to our posts on social media, and I feel like 99% of them are crying out and I just wanna encourage them to just hold on. And we do, we pray for the people that write in and just ask the Lord to comfort them, and sustain them, and give them endurance. So, Amber, what makes you smile on hard days?
Amber Smith:
Jesus.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yes.
Amber Smith:
I mean, it really does. And I know. That sounds cliche, but He does. And obviously, you know, my, my husband and my children and we're involved in a very great local church. And my kids' funny laughs and my son, he's banging downstairs right now. Like he's just wild and crazy and I'm just thankful for the blessings that I have right now. And I'm trying to be mindful of seeing all of that. Even when there are hard days.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah.
Amber Smith:
Is to look around and see there is joy and there is goodness here.
Stephanie Daniels:
Yeah. My goodness. You are just, like I said, a deep well and a blessing. And I just wanna say thank you so much for sharing your heart with us and your journey with us. I know that your words are gonna comfort so many who are walking through a valley right now.
Amber Smith:
Thank you so much. Thank you.
Stephanie Daniels:
We hope this conversation touched your heart today. If it did, consider sharing it with someone who might be encouraged as well. And don’t forget to follow us on your favorite podcasting app so you never miss an episode. See you next week!
© Joni and Friends