Joni and Friends New England Area Director Maria DeGenova joins the podcast to share how God brought her deep healing through serving families living with disability. Maria is one of four sisters—and a twin! Two of her sisters deal with mental health struggles and learning disabilities. Like many siblings in households navigating disability, Maria needed God’s help to understand her own identity, story, and calling. And she wants you to discover what she has: that God is close and trustworthy, and that he has a good plan for your life.
Joni and Friends New England Area Director Maria DeGenova joins the podcast to share how God brought her deep healing through serving families living with disability. Maria is one of four sisters—and a twin! Two of her sisters deal with mental health struggles and learning disabilities. Like many siblings in households navigating disability, Maria needed God’s help to understand her own identity, story, and calling. And she wants you to discover what she has: that God is close and trustworthy, and that he has a good plan for your life.
Maria’s life changed when she volunteered at Family Retreat. Serving families living with disability, she discovered the presence and hope of Christ like never before. Today Maria serves as the Area Director in New England, overseeing staff, volunteers, and programs that bring hands-on help and the love of Jesus to people with disabilities locally and across the globe.
You can follow God’s call to serve people living with disability:
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Joni and Friends envisions a world where every person with a disability finds hope, dignity, and their place in the body of Christ. Founded by Joni Eareckson Tada, we provide Christ-centered care through Joni's House, Wheels for the World, and Retreats and Getaways, and offer disability ministry training.
Crystal Keating:
Joni and Friends Area Director Maria DeGenova is joining us today on the podcast to share how God brought her a deeper healing through volunteering alongside families affected by disability. From being counseled to being the counselor, from shame into freedom, Maria was given a beautiful gift of pouring into so many other Christians walking the same walk.
God didn't waste her story and he is making something beautiful out of yours as well. The Lord is now using Maria to minister to more volunteers, coworkers, families, and donors at Joni and Friends than she could have ever imagined, and she's here to share that God is never too far. He has an incredible plan and a promise he will never break.
Welcome to the podcast, Maria. It's so wonderful to be able to speak with you today.
Maria DeGenova:
Hi Crystal. Thanks so much for having me on.
Crystal Keating:
You know, I'd love to start this conversation by hearing just a snapshot of your life and what it was like growing up as one of four sisters, including growing up as a twin.
And specifically, I'd love if you could share about the family dynamics that came with your two sisters who faced learning disabilities and mental health challenges.
Maria DeGenova:
Well, Crystal, we always said my dad was the luckiest man in the world to have four daughters. We grew up in a small town north of Boston in Massachusetts and spent a lot of time together as a family and really still are very close.
And so, my twin and I, Gina, we're in the middle, and being from a small town, I think that both of us struggled with our own identities. Growing up, we were known pretty early on as the DeGenova twins, and we were very competitive with sports and friends and other things teenage girls might be competitive over.
And for myself at a very young age, I began to seek my value and approval of others and a pattern of trying to earn people's love and people's approval. Today, Gina and I we're best friends, and she's actually an incredible special educator. But we argued a lot growing up and she gave my parents a run for their money.
So, while I was probably overly focused in not getting in trouble and doing the right thing, Gina at the time was doing the opposite. And it created some tension in our relationship there. But we're, like I said, best of friends today. But we also have an older sister and a younger sister.
And our older sister is definitely the most creative in the bunch. But began, what I remember is having mental health challenges probably in the beginning of late middle school or high school years, like I said, that I knew about. And she also is diagnosed younger with a non-verbal learning disability. Which means she doesn't necessarily always pick up on social cues and has challenges in certain social situations. And looking back on it, I don't think I really knew that. And I knew my sister and I were very different, but I was probably unfortunately more wrapped up in trying to fit in and run with the cool crowd. And I wasn't very compassionate towards my sister.
And maybe even saw it as a bit of an embarrassment or something that why couldn't she fix it on her own, not realizing back then that it was not something she even had control over. And I think in reality, this is probably something many families struggle with. But they feel alone because it's not often talked about in communities or even, sometimes in the church.
And so, I hope in sharing our story, it just encourages others to share theirs as well. And I'm so thankful that God's redeemed that relationship. We also have a younger sister, Julie, who is the kindest person you'll ever meet. After years of struggles with reading in school, she was diagnosed in high school with dyslexia.
And between that and serving at Family Retreat, God has actually brought her into the disability field as a job coach and a program manager working with adults with autism.
Crystal Keating:
Wow.
Maria DeGenova:
And. Yes, it's pretty neat. She's finishing an autism study degree right now, and all four of us actually work in a disability-related field and using our gifts in different ways.
So that's pretty special in a way that keeps us close today. But I think looking back on childhood, with those struggles and a lot of those happened, you know, middle school through college years in addition to all three of my sisters had significant medical challenges growing up at different times in high school as well, bringing on a lot of doctor's appointments and medical appointments that other families might face as well. And while my biggest challenge back then was probably teenage acne. So, during those years I did my best not to rock the boat for my parents, who were incredible. And I thought that I had to keep it all together because they already had enough going on.
And my biggest fear was disappointing or being a burden to someone. So, I would say I was probably a bit of a glass child growing up.
Crystal Keating:
Yeah. You know, it's interesting you talk about living in a family where there are some situations and disabling conditions that require a lot of attention. And so, you mentioned that you didn't wanna rock the boat with your parents cuz you knew they already had a lot on their plate.
So, I'd love if you could share a little bit more of that. You have such a heart for the families we serve here at Joni and Friends and Maria, especially for siblings who may often feel unseen and unheard in light of the daily needs that accompany another family member with disabilities. So, you used the term glass children, so I'm curious to know what that means and what that meant for you.
Maria DeGenova:
Yeah, and when I think about the families that we serve, I know the struggles that I faced growing up probably don't compare to some of the challenges they may face, but when I learned about siblings and glass children in my early twenties, it was significant and it really helped me better understand the context of the pieces of my own life and gave a voice to feelings that I had bottled up for many years.
The word glass refers to people or siblings who tend to be seen right through. A lot of people only focus on the child with a disability or whatever the challenge might be in the family. And so, glass children are often unseen or overlooked. Not that any parent ever intends to do that, but there's just other more urgent needs of the other children in the family. And glass also refers to a child that might appear to be strong and usually are, but maybe not as strong as they look. And so, in my story, I worked extra hard for a very long time to hold it all together and it was exhausting until I broke.
Crystal Keating:
Yeah, that ability to try to do the right thing, to follow the rules, to be a good student, to excel, to not even let your needs be known, I think is very common, even if you recognize it or not. And so, I can't wait to hear more of your story, and yet God started to knit your heart with Joni and Friends as you became more aware of your family dynamic, and I know you started volunteering with Joni and Friends almost 10 years ago. I'm curious about how you were introduced to serving at Family Retreat and if you had any connections with families impacted by disability before you volunteered besides your own.
Maria DeGenova:
That's a great question and it's awesome how God has woven some different pieces together throughout the years and like I said, growing up, disability with my sisters, but others, I think I was really ignorant, and disability made me very uncomfortable. And I think maybe that had a lot to do with trying so hard to have the right appearance, to doing everything I could to excel in school, different things. I just didn't know it, but I was very ignorant and had a lot of learning to do in other areas. And so, I was actually introduced to Joni and Friends and disability through church. My pastor and his wife had two adopted sons my age with learning and behavior disabilities.
And back then they made me very uncomfortable. But I'm thankful today that I think they're two of the coolest guys in the world and bring joy to everyone around them. And so, they had attended Family Retreat, and they and other leaders in our church, including Liz Babbitt, who's our ministry relations manager for Joni and Friends New England, were very involved with Family Retreat.
And so, in 2014, I had just graduated college and had been living at home for a year and working in software sales. The preschool leader for the New England Family Retreat canceled about a month before. And Liz Babbitt shared with the church that they needed someone to meet this need.
And my mom wanted to serve at Family Retreat but didn't wanna go alone. So, I kinda got that look as all moms are really good at giving like you should really do this as if it was as if it was a choice. I had time off; I had the money to go. I knew how to teach preschoolers, so what was my excuse?
So, in August 2014, thanks, to my mom strong-arming me a bit, I decided that I would go to Family Retreat. I would do something good for God and he would owe me one. But little did I know that it was a decision that would change my life forever.
Crystal Keating:
Wow. And so, what was your experience like at Family Retreat for the first time?
Maria DeGenova:
It was definitely, it was life-changing, Crystal. I got to Family Retreat, I arrived and, I remember walking into the volunteer orientation and seeing other young adults my own age, who were on fire for Jesus, and that just wasn't the case, I think, for me, and I felt like I don't fit in here at all, which is weird because family retreat should be the place where everyone feels like it fits into the body of Christ.
But I had grew up in the church again, like we've talked about doing the right things. I was a good person. I taught Sunday School, was leading youth group. But I didn't really know what it meant to have a relationship with Christ.
I was trying to always earn his approval and it was exhausting. I was a chameleon to all my different friend groups, whether it was my work people, my family, my church friends and I just, didn't know how to fit in at retreat. And so, I got there, and I had been out, actually, to be honest in Boston the night before.
So, I was a little extra tired. And I sat in orientation. A young man my age, David Wright got up and he shared from Isaiah six. And he was encouraging all of the volunteers before the families arrived. He read, and the words, I just remember, woe is me for I am a man of unclean lips.
And that's so how I felt. I thought that there in my chair thinking, I paid to be here. I should at least stay for lunch, but then I should probably sneak out. I don't belong here, but he went on to say if there's anything keeping you right from saying, here I am, send me Lord, share that with someone before the families come.
God wants us to come to him with our requests. We are here to serve the Lord. And I just thought I'm not sharing anything. No one knew my brokenness or things that I really struggled with. I really struggled at the time with a very broken verbally and emotionally abusive relationship from college.
And I felt so much shame and burden from that. And was carrying that into a retreat that year, and I thought, I'm not telling anyone my stuff. And I was so afraid that if I did share my brokenness, that would mean I'm not a good Christian because Crystal, Christians are supposed to have it all together. Right?
Crystal Keating:
Right.
Maria DeGenova:
And so, as the week went on, I started to see families who the world said, should have no hope or joy because of their disability, because of their struggles, had more hope or joy than anyone I had ever met. And that was because of their relationship with Jesus Christ. And it transformed my life.
I saw the body of Christ, how God intends it to be without us coming with our different masks on. I saw that messiness in the body of Christ is beautiful, that it's okay. The church doesn't need to be a neat and tidy place where we show up with our Sunday School smiles on. And it changed my life.
And so, serving at Family Retreat that first year is where I truly believe I committed my life to Christ and it just began a beautiful journey and walk that surprised me with eventually leading to a role with Joni and Friends full-time, but some of the most incredible friends. And just understanding that the body is weaker without our friends and neighbors impacted by disability.
I could go on, but that first year family retreat has had a significant impact on my life, and I've seen that in so many other volunteers that come to a retreat. And I love that that it's not just our families. It's our families serve our volunteers and together we're co-laborers for the kingdom and lives are changed.
Crystal Keating:
Yes, I love that. And even that, you know, your honesty about going to do good, to serve at Family Retreats cause you know, then God would owe you. And just recognizing, wow, I am really broken, desperate, and in need of God. And all of us are, it's not about the facade. It's about deep in our hearts, our humbling before God and his grace to us, his rich love for us, that we can find our security and our purpose.
And that affirmation you're seeking has to come first and foremost from the Lord. And Maria, I just love your honesty and your journey as a good person who served at church to a thriving career in the world of materialism and success, and then to a committed Christian, working for a nonprofit. It's so unexpected.
It's such a neat pathway. So, what was the transition like when you began working at Joni and Friends? Maybe you can talk a little bit about your career too.
Maria DeGenova:
Yeah, so I'd worked after college. I have a business degree and I worked in software sales and had a pretty growing career those first three and a half, four years out of school and was climbing the ladder but felt God just pulling on my heart that I was supposed to be doing something different.
And at one point thought like, oh, nonprofit work, that would be great, but he made it very clear any interview I went to that it was ministry. And so, I actually at one point had a promotion that I asked for at work, and I turned that down and people thought I was nuts. It was kind of a career-ending decision, at least where I was at that point, but I was just trusting God instead of putting my value in my career or what people thought of me. It was a step out in faith and trust in God. And about nine months after that and a whole series of other God moments that happened, I found myself interviewing for a role at Joni and Friends as the Program Manager. Back then that was leading family retreats and all the different programs for Joni and Friends.
So, the same place where I accepted Christ, which I could have never imagined, that now I would be a part of leading and doing full-time. I remember starting at Joni and Friends and oh Crystal, I felt so inadequate and went back to that comparison game, trying to do the right thing, trying to prove that I fit in at Joni and Friends.
I was probably only about three years really growing strongly in my walk and I didn't have ministry background. And I still carried a lot of shame from my past. So, you know, I looked at these people who have scripture memorized so much better than me. Oh, these people can pray out loud so much better than me.
Well, these people have been walking with Jesus since they were five years old. What about my past? And there was so much going back to that. And I remember also, realizing God is so much in control of what I do each and every day, and that's in the business world or ministry. But I think it was even more just plain in, in present, in what I was doing.
And so, some of those things that I carried again, I carried them in my head and held those thoughts. And those are lies from the enemy and just like in my childhood and some of those challenges, the enemy wants us to keep those things in our head. He doesn't want us to share them. He doesn't want us to share our struggles.
But when we do that, there's so much freedom. And I remember Liz Babbitt, again our ministry relations manager in New England, sharing getting to a point where I could share some of that, and that took a while. But she talked about God calling... he doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called and that was so beautiful and freeing for me to know that God called me to where I was, even if I didn't have all the pieces figured out. And that was so very just special to walk and live in that freedom.
I remember I had a manager when I was working in sales and struggling with, was I supposed to stay there. Was God calling me to ministry and he was a believer and that was so unique, and he had told me, he said, if we didn't have believers in the corporate world, what would the corporate world be like? But also, if we don't have people with business backgrounds in ministry, if everyone just had a ministry degree or a seminary degree in ministry, what would that look like?
And it was such an encouragement that God had planted seeds in me for my previous experience that could bring unique gifts to Joni and Friends, to be able to share, and meet the needs of people living with disability. And I see that so much on this side of it six years later. And about a year ago, God called me to move from working in programs to overseeing the New England Ministry as the Area Director and I can see how that background has uniquely equipped me for the role that he's put me in today.
Crystal Keating:
It's so exciting how when we start taking those steps toward doing what God's calling us to do, how the plan unfolds. And it's not easy. But he does teach us and transform us and grow us to do greater works than we ever thought possible. And I just love how many people God is using you to impact. So, you know, I'm curious about the work you're doing even now in the New England area with churches. As we reach into our community to reach out to people with disabilities, those lives are being changed.
But then when we are linking arms together with all people in the body of Christ, it changes and transforms churches. So, Maria, what are some of the ways you've seen churches transformed and lives changed as more families impacted by disability are included in the life of the church? And how has your work with Joni and Friends been a part of growing disability in the local church?
Maria DeGenova:
And I love that question, Crystal because we can't talk about Joni and Friends without the church. As you know, and many of our listeners know our vision is a world where every person with a disability finds their hope, dignity, and place, in the body of Christ. And so, it's just so important to our discussion and First Corinthians 12, talks about those who seem weaker are indispensable to the body. And I think whether it's disability or suffering or any struggles, any differences that we welcome that with open arms to the church. That vulnerability makes us stronger. It makes us love like Jesus, and it reflects to the world Jesus. And so, creating bodies and communities of belonging where people of all abilities are welcome, it helps us reflect Jesus to the world in so many ways. And people living with disability, and here specifically in New England, the statistic is one in four people are impacted by disability.
And so, if we want our churches to reach the communities that we're in, we have to open our hearts to that. And one story that I just love, it's a little moment that ties to a bigger story. Lakeview Presbyterian Church is up in Maine, and they got involved with Joni and Friends probably about the same time that I did, first with the pastor's son Mark coming, and then Pastor Steven, and then other members of their church started serving and then volunteers and families. And it opened the church's heart to disability to welcome including more people in their community. And we've been an incredible partner throughout the years, and we've done trainings there. But I was talking to one of the moms, it was about a year ago. Their son is medically fragile, Finley, and so they hadn't been at church because of Covid and had been taking some time off.
And she ran into someone from church. Finley, when he worships, he yells out and worships maybe differently than others might be used to, but it's a joyful noise. And this mom would sometimes be nervous that Finley would be a disturbance in church. But this woman from church said to her, we miss you guys, and we miss Finley singing at church. And it made her realize, that they belonged. And I love the definition of belonging is to be missed when you're not there. And it wasn't about some program, but the story is about changed hearts in the church. And we get to hear so many stories like that we can't even begin to capture.
And we hear so many stories the other way, Crystal, that are heartbreaking. That joyful noise isn't recognized. And that someone is asked to leave a church. And so in my role and with the fantastic team that I get to lead here in New England, we get to share the need on behalf of those in New England and around the world impacted by disability and invite people to respond with their time, talent, and treasure, to open their hearts, to open their church doors to what God has called them to be, to do and to love all people.
Crystal Keating:
I love that story about Finley. Just when there are churches that look at it from God's point of view and say, you know this young man is praising the Lord and in his way.
And what a beautiful thing to say, hey, we are all here to come and worship the Lord. And even if it looks different than maybe what we do, but it's still a genuine praise for God, so I love that.
Maria DeGenova:
And if you're listening, and you might be anywhere in the US out there, I think I can speak for an area office, if you have questions or maybe you're ignorant, like I was growing up, your local office would love to connect with you, would love to come alongside you and help your church meet your own mission. Brainstorm with you, how you can include people with disability in that. And so, I guess a plug for us, don't hesitate to reach out because we wanna come alongside you in accomplishing your mission for Christ.
Crystal Keating:
We surely do. And I love what you said that we wanna help you accomplish your mission as a church. We do that through a lot of our excellent resources. You can find videos and training tutorials and PDFs and connect with real people at joniandfriends.org/church. You can also write to us at the podcast if you need more information.
So, Maria, I just love your transparency and your confidence that all the struggles we face, they really do matter to the Lord. They just do. What are some of the ways God continues to shape you and walk with you through the trials or longings you may be facing? And what encouragement have you found through those trials that you can share with our listeners today?
Maria DeGenova:
Well, Crystal, I promise I'll weave this all together. But when I dreamed of where I'd be at 32, I'm not exactly I guess in that season. But I can also say that I wouldn't trade where God has me right now in step with him for the desires of my heart without him. I so desire to have someone to run after God's plans within a family, but that's just not where God has me right now.
And there are times when I'm okay with that and there are seasons when I'm not at all. And the thing is, God has used this current longing paired with my broken relationship from college and the years of holding it all together and not wanting to be a burden or stuffing my feelings from growing up and in different shames to become an incredible ministry opportunity. My suffering was not wasted.
And I want our listeners to know neither is theirs, whatever they're facing. And it's through my time at Joni and Friends that I found healing and, the very suffering that 10 years ago brought me to tears At Family Retreat has been part of a gift. And it's the most unexpected and beautiful gift of pouring into so many other sisters in Christ, walking the same walk, sharing some of the same desires or struggles, maybe never even finding that freedom to tell someone about it.
The story I was so ashamed of back in August 2014, God didn't waste. He used it to encourage more volunteers and coworkers, families, and donors than I could have ever imagined. And so, I would just encourage our listeners to not keep their struggles hidden. Find someone to share it with, and also to just know that God has a plan for them, that sometimes the unanswered prayers are just part of the blessing.
Joni writes in her book so beautifully, and if you've never read Joni's story, encouragement to me this past year was how she wrote about singleness. And it's something that so many people living with disabilities struggle with. A family or a marriage just might not be a possible reality.
But through my relationship with friends and neighbors living with disability, I've learned to trust God with all the desires of my heart. And so, I wanna leave our listeners with something Joni wrote in the forward of her book. And she talks about what happened on July 30th, 1967, was the beginning of an incredible adventure that I feel compelled to share because of what I've learned.
Oscar Wilde wrote, in this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants and the other is getting it. And Joni says, “To rephrase this thought, I suggest there are likewise only two joys. One is having God answer all your prayers and the other is not receiving the answer to all your prayers.
I believe this is because I have found that God knows my needs infinitely better than I know them, and he is utterly dependable no matter which direction our circumstances take.” I just love to leave our listeners with that and know that God hears them. Even in seasons where they feel hidden or unknown, he has them and he's covering them with his wings, and he is outstretching his arm and he just wants 'em to grab on and cling to him.
So, thank you so much Crystal for having me on today and letting me share a little bit about how God has worked so unexpectedly, but incredibly wonderfully in my life.